Easter 2010

I celebrated Easter this year for what it truly is... the resurrection of Jesus Christ. My mom came to visit, and we took the girls to church and enjoyed a wonderful service, then had an egg hunt in the front yard. Frankie was working so we then had dinner at the fire station.



The girls had fun finding each egg... well, V found 14 and Sophie found 2, along with some dog poop at which she had scooped into her bucket. :) Gotta love this one. Into everything she can physically get her hands on.

Later that night, after the girls were in bed, I watched the Passion of the Christ. And could not stop crying. So overwhelmed by what He went through. And how many people continue to reject Him. He deserves every bit of praise, honor and glory that we can possibly give, and then some.

If you can, take a couple minutes out of your day to watch this...
(you probably need to press pause on the music to the right in order to hear this.)

Die Daily

Luke 9:23-24 says, "And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.'" (ESV)
Luke 17:33 "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it." (ESV)
John 12:25 "Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life."
And 1 Corinthians 15:31 says, "I protest, brothers, by my pride in you, which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die every day!" (ESV)

I could go on for much longer. The concept of dying to self has hit my heart. Denying myself, my selfish desires, dying to what the flesh wants, and living for Christ instead. It's a daily battle, a daily fight. To die daily.

I am in John 18-19 right now, studying Jesus' arrest and trials. So on Easter Sunday I watched The Passion of the Christ. I love getting a visual to what I have been reading and studying. Getting a clearer picture of exactly what Christ endured for us. If you have never seen the movie, you simply have to. Believer or not. Whether you believe Jesus was the Son of God or not, and was all He claimed to be- He was a real man, and He WAS tortured and crucified. But the beauty of it all, to those who know Him, is it was all voluntary. He was not a victim of circumstances. He knew all that was to happen to Him (John 18:4). And yet He still CHOSE to serve the Father and fulfill His purpose. When the soldiers came to the Mount of Olives to arrest Him, and over-zealous Peter draws his sword on a soldier cutting off his ear, Jesus stops him, saying "Put your sword back into its sheath. Shall I not drink from the cup the Father has given me?" (John 18:11) Even though He was in agonizing prayer (Matthew 26:36-42) over what was to happen to Him, how He was to be humiliated, mocked, beaten, tortured, and crucified, He never once wavers. "Unflinching obedience." Yes, I know He was fully God, but He was also fully human. And endured temptation.

"He went on a little farther and fell face down on the ground, praying, 'My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will, not mine.'" (Matthew 26:39) Your will, not mine. THAT is my desire. THAT is what I pray for. That is what I had to ASK to desire, because it's not natural, and doesn't come easy. However, the more time I spend with Him, for Him, the more I read in His word, the more I worship, the deeper I fall in love with Him. "Fall in love with Him." I used to hear that a lot and think, fall in love with Him? I know that I love Him, so much. I know exactly what He did on that cross, but how do you fall IN LOVE with Him? I get it now. And that is why I am denying myself, taking up my cross daily, and following Him. That is why I am losing my life, in order to keep it. That is why I am choosing to die daily.

S.T.I.L.

Some Things I'm Learning...

About prayer....
- Prayer is not to be our laundry list for God. It is to be simple communication with Him. Meaning- talking to Him AND listening. It should include our adoration for Him, our thankfulness, our confession and lastly, supplication. And why do we adore and thank Him in our prayers? Because He is worthy. Why confess? We know we did wrong, we know we're forgiven. But we're also just like children. If I come to Him and confess and ask for forgiveness for my sin, and I do that each time, then I might begin to think twice before doing that same thing again.
- He ALWAYS answers our prayers... it's either yes, no, or wait. Just because I don't like the answer doesn't mean He hasn't responded.
- Our entire lives should be lived in absolute dependence on God through prayer. If JESUS prayed (John 17) then I certainly need to.
- Prayer prepares us for what's to come. We have no idea what's in store for us. We have to remain in Him (John 15). And that is done through prayer, reading His word... and OBEYING it.

An Unexpected Reaction

A late post, but nevertheless, I'm still blogging about this. On Thursday, March 4th, I put Sophie down for her nap without nursing her. She is almost 14 months old... time to wean. I got everything ready... turned on her little toasty heater, she has a fresh diaper, and a full belly. I held her tight and just swayed back and forth, singing "It Is Well With My Soul." Within a couple minutes she relaxed, snuggled her head in my neck, and fell asleep. Once I felt her body relax and I could hear her almost snoring, I just started to cry. Like, fully cry, hoping I wouldn't wake her. I couldn't believe she didn't put up more of a fight. Granted, I have been praying about this for months. I have been stressing about it off and on, worrying that this was going to be a gut-wrenching traumatic time for the both of us. And now, here she was, falling sleep on me as I sang to her. I laid her in her crib, walked out, and quietly closed the door. Then totally CRIED. I guess some of those tears were tears of relief that it wasn't that hard on her. But mostly they were selfish tears. For over a year I have not left this baby girl for longer than a few hours. I spent every single night with her, anywhere from 1-6 times a night, rocking, nursing, cuddling, singing... and now it's over. That special time, that only her and I share together, is over. I couldn't help thinking of those times nursing her and she pulls away just to gaze up at me and smile so sweetly, then goes back to business. Then the way she would stick her leg up in the air and hold her foot while drinking her fill. I'll never get that time back. And as much as I was ready to be done because it's so demanding sometimes, it's still heart-breaking. Because she isn't a BABY anymore. That paired with the fact that she is walking now... she's a toddler. Thank you for those memories Sophie. As much of a stinker you have been this first year, I can say with all sincerity, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.

Glad You're Still Here

On Monday, February 22nd, we received a very scary phonecall... that Frankie's dad was in the ER getting an emergency tracheotomy and was not able to breathe on his own. Within a couple hours we had 3 bags and 2 kids in the car and were headed to southern california. Frank was in the ICU trying to recover from the operation, and had a blood transfusion. He was still not breathing on his own, and doctors thought they found fluid in his lungs. Frankie and his sister Jen went straight to the hospital, while I took care of the girls. Immediately after we got that first call we had prayed together, asking for God's hand over Frank. I spent the better part of that evening doing just that. I knew God knew what was in the future, and prayed that Frank would be comforted and healed. I asked for wisdom for all his doctors and nurses involved, and peace for all of us in the meantime.
The next day I was able to visit Frank. He was in good spirits, and keeping his sense of humor... making us laugh through our face masks by dancing to the sound of his monitors is something I won't forget. Granted, I couldn't stay long. I found myself getting so warm and light-headed in that ICU room, under my sweatshirt, the apron, gloves, mask, etc. I had to get air... rushing out of his room and finding a place to sit down wasn't enough. Vomitting a couple times in the hallway seemed to do the trick though. Can we say humiliating?? A very unexpected reaction, but needless to say I haven't been back to the ICU yet. The doctors are moving Frank to a regular room so I am hoping once they do that I can manage another visit.

Anyways... Frank, glad you're still here. God is so good. My prayers haven't changed. I am still praying for your constant healing... physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I am praying for the ultimate in wisdom for the doctors to know what's best for you. I am praying you will receive all the support you need to recover from this, since it won't happen overnight. And, I am praying for God to reveal to all of us the good that is going to come of this. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Romans 8:28
Please take this to heart Frank. We love you.

Sophia ~ 1 Year Old

Here we are, another year passed. My youngest, my "baby" is a year old. I simply can't believe that in a matter of days she will be toddling around the house all on her own. On Valentine's Day she took 4-5 steps all on her own. Only V and I were the ones to see it, and I'll never forget the excitement in V's voice as she pointed and shouted "Mommy! Sophie is walking all by herself!"

Our dear little Sophie,
You continue to enrich our lives daily with your funny faces, high-pitched squeals, slobbery kisses, and priceless cuddling.
You have brought so much joy to not only our lives, but your sissy's too. My daily prayer is that you continue to grow in health and in the Lord. We have been so incredibly blessed to have the privilege of being your parents; raising you, teaching you, and watching you grow. Happy 1st Birthday baby girl, looking forward to many more birthdays to come.

Some Things I'm Learning - S.T.I.L.

Don't mean to sound like a broken record, but in reference to the changes that are happening in my life, I am learning some things. Things I should have learned a long time ago. Nevertheless, I am learning them now, and I want to record them. So whenever you see a post from now on titled "S.T.I.L." you will know what it means... Some Things I'm Learning. (And ironically, it makes the word "still." Since I should have had these things figured out quite some time ago.)
So, here we go.... Some Things I'm Learning:

HOW WE LOVE OTHERS IS TO BE OUR WITNESS TO AN UNBELIEVING WORLD.
I know, starting out with some deep stuff right? But this is what I've come to notice about myself recently... there have been so many instances when I see someone I haven't seen in awhile, and I walk away from the brief conversation and realize I barely asked them about what is going on in their life, they asked about me the whole time. Or, I choose to only surround myself with certain people because of my comfort zone, because they fit into my little bubble of approved people. Or, those who I feel aren't worthy of my kindness for one reason or another get pushed aside. The last couple of weeks I have been studying in John, and it amazed me to take a close look at how Jesus was with Judas the entire time He spent with him. ALWAYS kind. ALWAYS loving. ALWAYS giving him every opportunity to change. Even though He knew all along what Judas was going to do, He knew his heart. Then, reading John 13:34-35 when Jesus is talking with His disciples the night before He is crucified (after Judas has taken off determined to betray Jesus) "Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." It occurred to me that I do not love this way. If I did, why wouldn't I ask others how they are doing before rambling on about myself? Why would I complain when my husband asks for a back scratch? Why would I complain when someone needs something of me, and I just don't feel like helping them right now? I know these things are small, but they come from somewhere. I want people to be able to look at me and say, "Something is different about her." Not, "Wow, I didn't know she was a Christian." I have always had the fear of people withdrawing if they knew about that part of me... but that's just it. My faith isn't just one small part of my life... it IS my life, and if that's what others don't want to be around, that's their choice. "Then he said to the disciples, 'Anyone who accepts your message is also accepting me. And anyone who rejects you is rejecting me. And anyone who rejects me is rejecting God, who sent me.'" Luke 10:16

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD IS LIKE ANY OTHER RELATIONSHIP : IT REQUIRES QUALITY TIME.
This may sound totally stupid, totally ridiculous... but this is how I know God is seriously at work in me. The other night, I had (still do) my 3 favorite shows recorded on my DVR to catch up on. Lost, American Idol, and The Bachelor. One of my favorite things is once the girls are fast asleep in bed, I can curl up on the couch with a blanket, maybe a bowl of cereal, and it's Mommy's time. My time. I get to indulge myself in my guilty pleasures for an hour or two and then sleepily crawl off the couch and go to bed... too tired to do anything else. Well, as I had mentioned a few posts ago, I have been praying for God to grow my faith, for me to want to spend more time in the Word, not just doing my lesson because I'm supposed to and I don't want to show up with only half done. And here I was the other night, just putting Sophie to sleep, Frankie working, and the thought came to me that I really don't care about those shows right now. I would actually RATHER crawl into my bed, turn some lights on and read the Bible for a bit, do some of my lesson. I couldn't believe that. That is HUGE for me. I wanted, wait no, PREFERRED to spend time with Him. That was a crazy good feeling. And I realized my relationship with God isn't any different than say, my relationship with my husband, or, my kids. When you spend quality time with someone, that's what builds. That's how love grows. So how could I expect to just magically love God more by just praying for it? I play a role in that. It's up to me to make that effort for quality time.
The very first lecture in BSF this year, back in September, the teaching leader started out by asking, "What do you pour your life into?" And she gave examples... kids, career, etc. The most important thing I can do with my time is to spend it with God. And if I want more of God's truth I need to act on the truth He has already given me. The most important thing to find out is what God says. And I can't depend on a 45-minute sermon every Sunday and a bible study class each Wednesday to do it for me. I prayed not only to know Him more, but for the desire to know Him more... and I got what I asked for.