C'anna came into our lives only months ago, to babysit our girls on a weekly basis while we have life group, and the occasional date night. It didn't take long for all 3 girls to fall in love with her as every time she's here with them, she's really HERE with them. She plays, laughs and loves on our girls. I know all you moms out there know what it does to your heart when someone- not a blood relative- loves on your kids. HUGE right?? Well then came summer… break from life group, vacations, etc. So we barely saw her. Not only did the girls regularly ask when they'll see her again, but when we return to that routine with life group, and she's back for the first week, she brings a bag of hair accessories, does their hair and takes them outside for a little photo shoot... only to print, frame and wrap these photos with the girls the next week to gift us with. Jealous yet??
You know what else? She doesn't rush out of here like she can't wait to leave this not-so-clean house that has laundry on the couches and dishes stacked up. If those dishes are stacked up she does them. Talk about serving others. Ok the biggest thing happened just this morning…
I am committed Tuesday and Wednesday mornings to a bible study I not only participate in, but serve in, every week. So when my daughter came home with this invitation to the Little Red Riding Hood play, that she clearly put so much effort into at school, my heart sunk a little…
My first thought, why Wednesday morning God? Really?? My daughter was the narrator / story teller for the play, and although it wasn't a big production, just her class and being performed in the classroom, the Mommy in me wants to be at anything and everything. Especially when my child has been practicing, working at, rehearsing, etc. Ok I'll check the schedule, I bet Daddy can make it! Oops, no, Daddy's on shift. And the next closest relative goes to that same bible study with me. So, where does that leave this invitation? On the kitchen counter for a few days until I figure out how to explain (again) commitment to my daughter. Funny thing though, she knows. I complimented the picture on her invitation and she of course inquired "are you coming?" I simply said, "I would love to baby, I noticed it's on a Wednesday. Do you know where I go on Wednesdays?" The lightbulb turned on. "oh that's right, ok, what about Dad?" "Daddy's working baby." My heart on it's way to breaking. Thinking, is this one of those times for discernment... and take time away from my ministry? Then she steps in ever so maturely, "Your work for Jesus is more important Mom. It's okay."
WOW. If my heart has to go through these little disappointments for her to get THAT… it's all worth it right?
FAST FORWARD: Tuesday night after life group, the lovely C'anna and I are talking. She says V practiced her narrating for Little Red Riding Hood. And how she'd love to come watch. Wait, what?? A beautiful young college girl would wake up when she doesn't have to, take time out of her morning for what… to go watch Little Red Riding Hood narrated by a 2nd grader? Amazing. It was left as a maybe if she didn't have anything going on that morning. Besides, I was confident in V's grown up attitude about the whole thing that it would go smoothly. Then this morning happened: drop off. My time Wednesday mornings is precious. I have just minutes to make the drop off for the girls at school then the drive to get to bible study on time. As we start driving, the tears start falling. "Mom I want you to come! Please!" Oh my goodness, we talked about this… the conversation went so well! "Just skip today Mom" Ooooh boy, did I make a mistake here? I didn't feel led to skip today… this is ripping my heart out… ok but it's showing her what sacrifice means, what service means… ahh but the tears are rolling- I can see them in that rear view mirror… We arrive at school, she hops out, and I ask to pray with her. She's quite the emotional one and can't take it, she slides her hands out of mine. "Baby girl…" "No mom, I'll be fine" as she begins to walk away. Then turns around and runs back for a hug, crying again. There, "now let's say that prayer." I think I prayed in that moment for SOMETHING. Something God, something for her heart. It's such a small thing, but really it isn't. It's not about the Red Riding Hood play anymore. We kiss and hug, and I told her I'd stop by at lunch to see how it went. And that I would have another mom take a video for me so I can watch it. She nods her head and walks away, shoulders slumped. I was desperate for something else to say to lift her spirits, but I had nothing. Then I remembered C'anna. As I hop back into my car, watching my daughter so slowly walk away, I text C'anna, and get a quick reply back that she's going. I jump out of my car and run to catch up to V. She's standing at the playground with her head down, 2 friends around her, clearly consoling her. Once I get her attention I tell her she has a surprise visitor coming today. "It's not me, but you'll have a surprise visitor coming to watch your play." She smiles and nods as I rush off back to the car.
My drive consisted of me hashing over each decision. (Our kids' meltdowns tend to do this to us right?) Because how many moms would read this and think, that's wrong. She left her daughter crying, simply asking her mom to be there for her… all for a bible study?? Which I have to let go of that. There was and there will be other times where yes, I'll choose to be there for my daughters instead. But that wasn't the choice today. And as I drove I felt a peace with it. And for many reasons:
1.) It's allowing my daughter to experience disappointment. We won't always get what we want- even when those things we want are good things. Whether they know it or not, my children need me to teach them how to respond to disappointment. Not purposefully throw it their way… BUT, when it comes, to not jump at every chance to prevent them from experiencing it.
2.) Serving the Lord comes at a cost. But it also comes with great rewards.
And for me:
3.) Being in step with the Holy Spirit sometimes means saying no to something I want to do. Ouch.
4.) Had I given in, I would have missed how God lovingly showed me He CARES. He cares about the Red Riding Hood plays. He cares about my daughter's tears. He heard my prayer… for something, something to give her joy today. He is so tender towards hearts that He put someone there this morning, when I thought there was no one, and someone my daughter was thrilled about. She probably has no idea (unless she reads this) what a blessing she was this morning - not only to a 7 year old, but also to me.
About an hour and a half later I get this picture…. V with one of her favorite people, and on top of that, a full bouquet of flowers.
Thank you C'anna, just for being you. You bring us joy.
