A couple days ago hubby and I had to talk. Something came up, and quite honestly I was real upset. It's something that so easily could have, in a moment, exploded with emotions and- let's just say, unhealthy conversation. I escaped to my bedroom, immediately got down on my knees beside my bed in a moment of Romans 8:26…"in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." Once words did come, I prayed for wisdom, emotional control, grace. I prayed for His words, not mine, I prayed for Him to empty me of self and fill me with the fruit of the Spirit. In a couple of hours after all the girls were down we were able to talk. In that hour it was almost as though I could step back and physically watch God tenderly repair. What could have been hurtful, He made healing. What could have been damaging He made restoring. Where there was anger He replaced with understanding. Just a short while later I found myself in awe at the inner joy I felt. Not a superficial giddy-ness. But a joy in the LORD. A deep-rooted peace and a gratitude for the husband God had given me invaded my heart. As I held him I was so moved by the increase of love God gave me for him that night. And realizing I don't deserve any of it. But wait, an increase… The Brad Paisley song came on this morning "Then." And boy did that strike a chord. "Now you're my whole life, now you're my whole world, I just can't believe the way I feel about you girl. Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been, we've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then." I DID. I thought I loved him when we were dating. I thought I loved him when we got married. I thought I loved him at the birth of our first child. Thirteen years into being us and God is multiplying it still. My marriage has flourished in so many ways, and with each growth spurt God has pruned my heart in the process. I'm moved to tears at how much my husband is willing to sacrifice for me. That despite all my faults and weaknesses he chooses every day to love and serve me. I think I genuinely believed I knew what love was when I got married. I didn't. The Lord has shown me so much more. Nothing has stretched my faith and been a greater evidence of His power at work and His authority in my life than my marriage. And, I'm eternally thankful. Frankie, not that you ever read this blog, but if you do dear, I am overwhelmed with a love for you. Thank you for your commitment to the Lord, and to us.
I LOVE you.
