Let Them Be Disappointed

I'm going to take a moment to brag on this amazing young lady… and on God for how He used her to show tender care for His children.

C'anna came into our lives only months ago, to babysit our girls on a weekly basis while we have life group, and the occasional date night.  It didn't take long for all 3 girls to fall in love with her as every time she's here with them, she's really HERE with them.  She plays, laughs and loves on our girls.  I know all you moms out there know what it does to your heart when someone- not a blood relative- loves on your kids. HUGE right??  Well then came summer… break from life group, vacations, etc.  So we barely saw her.  Not only did the girls regularly ask when they'll see her again, but when we return to that routine with life group, and she's back for the first week, she brings a bag of hair accessories, does their hair and takes them outside for a little photo shoot... only to print, frame and wrap these photos with the girls the next week to gift us with.  Jealous yet??   

You know what else?  She doesn't rush out of here like she can't wait to leave this not-so-clean house that has laundry on the couches and dishes stacked up.  If those dishes are stacked up she does them.  Talk about serving others.  Ok the biggest thing happened just this morning…


I am committed Tuesday and Wednesday mornings to a bible study I not only participate in, but serve in, every week.  So when my daughter came home with this invitation to the Little Red Riding Hood play, that she clearly put so much effort into at school, my heart sunk a little…  

My first thought, why Wednesday morning God?  Really??  My daughter was the narrator / story teller for the play, and although it wasn't a big production, just her class and being performed in the classroom, the Mommy in me wants to be at anything and everything.  Especially when my child has been practicing, working at, rehearsing, etc.  Ok I'll check the schedule, I bet Daddy can make it!  Oops, no, Daddy's on shift.  And the next closest relative goes to that same bible study with me.  So, where does that leave this invitation?  On the kitchen counter for a few days until I figure out how to explain (again) commitment to my daughter.  Funny thing though, she knows.  I complimented the picture on her invitation and she of course inquired "are you coming?"  I simply said, "I would love to baby, I noticed it's on a Wednesday.  Do you know where I go on Wednesdays?"  The lightbulb turned on.  "oh that's right, ok, what about Dad?"  "Daddy's working baby."  My heart on it's way to breaking. Thinking, is this one of those times for discernment... and take time away from my ministry?  Then she steps in ever so maturely, "Your work for Jesus is more important Mom.  It's okay."

WOW.  If my heart has to go through these little disappointments for her to get THAT… it's all worth it right?  

FAST FORWARD: Tuesday night after life group, the lovely C'anna and I are talking.  She says V practiced her narrating for Little Red Riding Hood.  And how she'd love to come watch.  Wait, what??  A beautiful young college girl would wake up when she doesn't have to, take time out of her morning for what… to go watch Little Red Riding Hood narrated by a 2nd grader?  Amazing.  It was left as a maybe if she didn't have anything going on that morning.  Besides, I was confident in V's  grown up attitude about the whole thing that it would go smoothly.  Then this morning happened: drop off.  My time Wednesday mornings is precious.  I have just minutes to make the drop off for the girls at school then the drive to get to bible study on time.  As we start driving, the tears start falling.  "Mom I want you to come! Please!"  Oh my goodness, we talked about this… the conversation went so well!  "Just skip today Mom"  Ooooh boy, did I make a mistake here?  I didn't feel led to skip today… this is ripping my heart out… ok but it's showing her what sacrifice means, what service means… ahh but the tears are rolling- I can see them in that rear view mirror… We arrive at school, she hops out, and I ask to pray with her.  She's quite the emotional one and can't take it, she slides her hands out of mine.  "Baby girl…"  "No mom, I'll be fine" as she begins to walk away.   Then turns around and runs back for a hug, crying again.  There, "now let's say that prayer." I think I prayed in that moment for SOMETHING.  Something God, something for her heart.  It's such a small thing, but really it isn't.  It's not about the Red Riding Hood play anymore.  We kiss and hug, and I told her I'd stop by at lunch to see how it went.  And that I would have another mom take a video for me so I can watch it.  She nods her head and walks away, shoulders slumped.  I was desperate for something else to say to lift her spirits, but I had nothing.  Then I remembered C'anna.  As I hop back into my car, watching my daughter so slowly walk away, I text C'anna, and get a quick reply back that she's going.  I jump out of my car and run to catch up to V.  She's standing at the playground with her head down, 2 friends around her, clearly consoling her.  Once I get her attention I tell her she has a surprise visitor coming today.  "It's not me, but you'll have a surprise visitor coming to watch your play."  She smiles and nods as I rush off back to the car.

My drive consisted of me hashing over each decision.  (Our kids' meltdowns tend to do this to us right?)  Because how many moms would read this and think, that's wrong.  She left her daughter crying, simply asking her mom to be there for her… all for a bible study??  Which I have to let go of that.  There was and there will be other times where yes, I'll choose to be there for my daughters instead.  But that wasn't the choice today.  And as I drove I felt a peace with it.  And for many reasons:  

1.)  It's allowing my daughter to experience disappointment.  We won't always get what we want- even when those things we want are good things.  Whether they know it or not, my children need me to teach them how to respond to disappointment.  Not purposefully throw it their way… BUT, when it comes, to not jump at every chance to prevent them from experiencing it.

2.)  Serving the Lord comes at a cost.  But it also comes with great rewards.

And for me: 

3.)  Being in step with the Holy Spirit sometimes means saying no to something I want to do. Ouch.

4.)  Had I given in, I would have missed how God lovingly showed me He CARES.  He cares about the Red Riding Hood plays.  He cares about my daughter's tears.  He heard my prayer… for something, something to give her joy today.  He is so tender towards hearts that He put someone there this morning, when I thought there was no one, and someone my daughter was thrilled about.  She probably has no idea (unless she reads this) what a blessing she was this morning - not only to a 7 year old, but also to me.

About an hour and a half later I get this picture…. V with one of her favorite people, and on top of that, a full bouquet of flowers.

Thank you C'anna, just for being you.  You bring us joy.

In 3 Words: He Is Pruning

My husband and I just spent 3 days as we do every year at the Firefighters Retreat at Hume Lake.  It starts off with the International Firefighters For Christ event Thursday evening.  One of the things we did was reflect on where we are with God… in 3 words.  Mine were "He is pruning."  Sometimes it's as though I'm watching from an outside perspective as He walks through His temple (me) and overturns the tables (Matthew 21).  The things that don't belong there, the things that defile, the things that are obstacles for holiness.  If I'm honest, there's a lot of those money changer tables in me- selfishness, laziness, pride, delayed obedience… (more than I'd care to mention) but I'm encouraged by the progress.  Because after all, what's the purpose of pruning?   Removing the dead and old, causing growth and thriving of the new.

God has shown me a few times (quite recently) opportunities to step up and do work for Him.  Opportunities I should gladly fulfill with a joyful heart.  I feel I'm stepping up, but I noticed I tend to do it with my heels digging in as I feel inadequate- as if He asked the wrong person to do it- and not whole-heartedly trusting Him in the process.  Some may be small tasks, others a bit bigger.  No matter the size I need to get out the way, knowing ya, I AM inadequate but HE isn't.  And HE'S ENOUGH.  One thing God reminded me of is in Mark 6, when there are over 5,000 hungry people surrounding Jesus and His disciples.  And what's Jesus' response?  "You give them something to eat." (Mark 6:37)  Wouldn't you have loved to see their faces?!  What I loved about this is how God trains His disciples AS He uses them.  He doesn't wait until they're in their prime!  And when brought to Him, our resources (even just five loaves and two fish) are enough.  Remembering God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called.  How many imperfect people from the bible have I studied over and over again and yet still hesitate in allowing Him to use me?  

• Noah got drunk
• Abraham was "too old"
• Timothy was "too young"
• Jacob was a liar
• Joseph was abused
• Rahab was a prostitute
• David had an affair & murdered
• Jonah ran from God
• Job was bankrupt
• Peter denied Christ
• Paul had persecuted Christians
• Lazarus was dead

2 Timothy 1:7 says, "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline."  For some reason, young Timothy needed to hear this from his mentor Paul.  I love the charge Paul gives Timothy just before this in verse 6, "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God which is in you…"  

More and more I'm realizing my responsibility as a daughter of Christ, a disciple, a wife, a mother, to fan the flame… Especially as a part of the younger generation.  I say this to myself just as much as anyone else: we need to STEP UP.  The biblically illiterate world we live in desperately needs our generation to be DIFFERENT.  To live authentically, to be transparent - to go back to the things of faith revealed… the God of Abraham.  Living out the Word and therefore living distinctly.  

And to not attempt it just on self-effort, wearing ourselves out.  "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20).

A great encouragement was given out this weekend by our friend Robert Blair, who came all the way from Northern Ireland as always to join the Firefighters For Christ at Hume for this retreat… if you are young, and don't have that "spiritual parent," that mentor like Timothy had in Paul, seek one OUT.  If you are older, mature in your faith and are not someone else's spiritual parent then SEEK THEM OUT.   This weekend I got to spend nearly 2 hours on a bench in the sunshine with a spiritual parent.  John White, the man who said yes to God and thus Firefighters For Christ was born in 1976, becoming international by 1978 and established as an incorporated organization.  He shared about a few of the most difficult trials he has weathered and each story was constantly pointing back to Jesus, telling of how God was glorified in each.  This modern-day Paul has the gift of evangelism, and LIVES OUT the high calling of a disciple with the urgency that the gospel of Christ demands… and has led countless men, women, and children all over this world to knowing Jesus Christ personally.  I say countless because I know the number is in the thousands as the Lord has greatly blessed his sincere, God-glorifying ministry.  I could make an entire post about John White, and his dear wife Jane- who just thinking of her and her strength in the Lord brings a huge smile to my face.  (In truth I even debated introducing them simply because you can't impress the impact this man and his wife have had into a few words on a blog.)  But the point being that those 2 hours on that bench were uplifting, encouraging and faith-building for this woman of 50 years younger.

I have heard the younger generation balk about not being able to relate to the older generation, not "getting much"… but ladies (and gentlemen), don't think that it's because of them.  We should be listening.  If we aren't, shame on us.

Sidenote: If you are one that doesn't see yourself as a disciple because you are that stay-at-home mom who changes diaper after diaper every day... routine school drop-off and pick up 10 times a week, is discouraged by the never-ending story of laundry, spilled milk clean-ups, toy picking up and dish washing, then ask God to change that wrong thinking.  You have eyes watching every move you make.  Little ears listening to how you respond when that milk spills, how you speak to your husband, and how you discipline.  Are you showing them Jesus in how you do life?  Jesus was a carpenter and didn't begin traveling in His ministry until 3 years before his death.  He had the challenge of living for God in an ordinary life.  Be encouraged.

I felt God nudging me.  Now it feels like more of a loving push.  He's pushing me outside the boundaries of comfort, showing me the needs, giving me the opportunities, and showing me that the convictions He's revealed along the way must be followed.  I cannot delay obedience in what He's already asked of me and expect Him to give me more.  He's blessed me with a growing desire to please Him and serve Him, and it requires an abandonment of comfort.  He's allowed things to happen in order to show me exactly where I am not fully reliant on Him but on others and other comforts.  And deep down, I'm thankful for that conviction, as much as it may hurt.  

He is pruning.  In so many areas, using so many avenues and people to do it.  I genuinely look forward to what my 3 words will be a year from now.  So bare with me, dear friends and family.  I'm a work in progress.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6