An Unexpected Reaction

A late post, but nevertheless, I'm still blogging about this. On Thursday, March 4th, I put Sophie down for her nap without nursing her. She is almost 14 months old... time to wean. I got everything ready... turned on her little toasty heater, she has a fresh diaper, and a full belly. I held her tight and just swayed back and forth, singing "It Is Well With My Soul." Within a couple minutes she relaxed, snuggled her head in my neck, and fell asleep. Once I felt her body relax and I could hear her almost snoring, I just started to cry. Like, fully cry, hoping I wouldn't wake her. I couldn't believe she didn't put up more of a fight. Granted, I have been praying about this for months. I have been stressing about it off and on, worrying that this was going to be a gut-wrenching traumatic time for the both of us. And now, here she was, falling sleep on me as I sang to her. I laid her in her crib, walked out, and quietly closed the door. Then totally CRIED. I guess some of those tears were tears of relief that it wasn't that hard on her. But mostly they were selfish tears. For over a year I have not left this baby girl for longer than a few hours. I spent every single night with her, anywhere from 1-6 times a night, rocking, nursing, cuddling, singing... and now it's over. That special time, that only her and I share together, is over. I couldn't help thinking of those times nursing her and she pulls away just to gaze up at me and smile so sweetly, then goes back to business. Then the way she would stick her leg up in the air and hold her foot while drinking her fill. I'll never get that time back. And as much as I was ready to be done because it's so demanding sometimes, it's still heart-breaking. Because she isn't a BABY anymore. That paired with the fact that she is walking now... she's a toddler. Thank you for those memories Sophie. As much of a stinker you have been this first year, I can say with all sincerity, I wouldn't change it for anything in the world.