(Another) Day to Remember

Back in July 2010 I posted on this blog about V's acceptance of Jesus Christ as her Savior.  Such a joy to watch her pray that prayer on June 30, 2010.  And to see where she's at now, as she grows, matures, and says things that amaze me, things that most 6 year olds don't speak of.

Now I sit here again at this computer to document about April 13, 2013.

Our journey as parents with Victoria has differed greatly in our journey with Sophie.  The stubborn, strong-willed spirit she has shown, the feisty defiance, our cluelessness as to what to try next... it's been interesting... and so rewarding to see little victories and growth in her and watch her character develop. Throughout our bible stories, and talking about Jesus, what He did on the cross, who He is, the Holy Spirit, etc we always ask the girls questions.  I still remember sitting on Sophie's bed the first time I asked her if she would like forgiveness for her sin (bad choices as we sometimes call it) and if she would like Jesus to come and live in her heart forever.... a sweet silence as she thinks, and so politely and bluntly says, "um, no."  Wow, my child just rejected Christ was my first thought haha.  But, confident that as she grows and learns that she would desire to know Him and who He is.  Months later... the topic comes up again.... "no, no I don't want to" was her answer.  The first-time shock wasn't there for me, and actually, I appreciated and learned to be thankful that my child has such a mind of her own that she doesn't just do something because she thinks we want her to.  That she was making a conscience choice.

Then one Saturday night we are reading and talking about the beginning.  Before God created earth, what the bible says it was like before God spoke this world into existence.  And somewhere in there V happens to ask Sophie if she wants Jesus in her heart.  As I'm picking up our books I hear Sophie respond, "yes."  What??  All this time and talks with mommy and now it's sissy that leads her younger sister.  We prayed with Sophie that night, and the girls all played and wrestled with Dad for a good 30 minutes afterwards as I just sat and watched, soaking it up.

Not much else to say, but thank you God.

A Crown of Roses

In awe of what JUST happened.  I had to sit down and write about it while it's fresh in my mind.  I don't want to forget it, and even while it was happening I wanted to savor every moment of rawness and discovery.

All three daughters were busy and playing so well together and, as much of a lost cause that it is, I was actually trying to finish the last episode of The Bible that we had recorded from the history channel.  Then V walks out, right as the Roman soldiers are putting the crown of thorns on Jesus' head.  I quickly  stop it thinking ok I'll have to finish this later.  And so the conversation began...

V:  Mommy what was that?  Was that blood?
Me:  oh yikes, how deep do you go with a 6 year old?!  Yes baby, yes it was.
V:  Oh, who was it?
Me: Well, that was Jesus.  That was before he hung on the cross.  A lot of people did not like Jesus, and they put that crown of thorns on him to mock him...
V:  So they made him bleed??
Me:  deep breath... Yes, love.

Suddenly her head drops, both hands cover her face, and I see her shoulders start bobbing up and down as she completely breaks down, tears pouring.  And not in a whiny, melodramatic, exaggerated way, as I know my daughters are capable of.  It was this cry of... genuine hurt.

After giving her a moment I bring her over to me.

Me:  What's making you cry baby?
V:  (through tears) That they did that to Jesus!  And made him bleed!
Me:  I know V, that makes Mommy cry too.
V:  I'm just so sad that he hurt!  (more tears)
Me:  I know honey, and you know it should make us sad, because it's our sin that put him there.  But don't you remember what happened after he died?
V:  He rose again.
Me:  Right!  He lives!
V:  But... but... (tears) that must have made God so sad!
Me:  Yes, yes it did.  But that's what God sent his son here to do for us, to save us from our sin.
               (a pause)
V:  But Mommy, if I were there.... I wouldn't have given him a crown of thorns.... (tears rolling down one after the next) I would have given him a crown of roses.

I think I could have thrown both hands up in worship, looking to the heavens in praise and wonder at the awesomeness of THAT moment.  But I threw my arms around my daughter, hugging her, thanking the Lord for her heart and that He saved her.  We talked for a few more minutes, told her that Jesus is with the Father now.  "On his right side!" she joyfully reminded me.

And it hit me, if a 6-year-old can grieve Christ's sufferings like that, how much more could we.  How much more it should hurt, drawing us to the cross, endured by the perfect sacrifice, leaving us with no other rightful response than a humbly repenting heart.  And then living that out.  Daily.

Thankful for that child's faith that teaches me so much.  I need more of THAT...  child-like faith.

smiling through the tears

3/14/13

I usually like to blog about things God is teaching me, how He's growing me, stretching my faith, etc.  I like to have this journey documented to always be able to look back and SEE how far He's brought me.  Nothing can bring about great spontaneous thankfulness to God (and humility) like remembering the place from which He has brought you.  And to remember He does not desire to leave me where I'm at. That's not His will.  For me to get comfortable with this new place I'm at and sit there to get stale.  I now believe in working for the Lord.  Not doing a nice deed here or there, going to church on Sunday, then patting myself on the back for being a good Christian.  So, do I get tired?  Yes.  Am I sometimes "not feeling it"?  Yes.  But do I feel Him sustaining me?  YES.  Have I seen His faithfulness in such obvious ways that there's no doubt it's Him?  YES.  Have I had moments of humbling awe when He gives me a glimpse "behind the curtain" at what He's doing?  YES.... and I've never been in such close communion with Him.

Sometimes I feel like there are a ton of things at once He's showing me.... and since I'm a dumb sheep it takes these things being repeated many times before they may fully sink in and become regularly practiced.  So, some things He's reminding me of currently...

• Taking captive my thoughts and making them obedient to Christ (2 Corinth 10:5)
• As believers we are not to run from problems, we are to run straight into them.
• God does not allow His children to sin successfully.
• To not give up on praying for a certain someone or situation.  If God has burdened me to pray for someone, am I to think He has no intention of saving them??
• Delayed obedience is disobedience.
• Living right before God helps our children live right before God.  It's heart-breaking to look at one of my daughters and see the same sin I commit.
• He is faithful when we are faithless.
• Blessings are in the hard places.
• Cooperating with the Holy Spirit in daily life prepares us for future battles.
• It will cost me something to be in the will of God.
• Believers are to care more about being right with God than insisting on their own rights.
• Satan uses temptation to result in sin & failure... God uses tests to deepen my commitment and see me succeed.
• We show what's in our heart by what we offer God.
• God disciplines those He LOVES.... and He loves me too much to give me lesser things.

A lot to take in.  So thankful for His grace in my being a work in progress.  And for the people He has placed in my life to help me along the way.  Those that shepherd me, and that I work along side.  I have surprised myself with being brought to tears twice just thinking about the incredible group of women I serve with at BSF.  Women who are so devoted to the Lord, women after God's own heart, and welcomed me with such a Christ-like warmth.  Just having them in my life is an overwhelming honor and privilege.  My loving family- a treasured blessing from the Lord.  My faithful friends... I could go on and on.
So my working for the Lord is wrapped up in these things He's asking me to be obedient in and serving Him in whatever way He calls me.  And to do it all with a joyful heart.  I can't wait to look back months from now and see the growth and fruit produced when I am fully surrendered and committed.

Bug & Reptile Recap

I have no depth to me tonight.... but felt like blogging.  So after getting rid of a scorpion I thought, hm, it would be fun to go back and recap all the things I have had to exterminate over the last several months... or, turn my head and let them scooch off into the bushes.

These are pretty amazing, and some of them look like they are on steroids.

Not quite sure WHAT this was.... centipede I thought.

 Countless spiders... really- I lost count after the first month

Toads! This one actually wouldn't leave my hand. Kinda wanted to keep him. But not really.

These things I hate with a white hot passion: sun spiders.  Horrid little creatures.  Non-poisonous but very fast and very aggressive.

My buddy the alligator lizard.  He was hiding up my dress when I was getting ready one morning.

Our garter snakes, friendly and small.  

(pictured below is one the girls accidentally killed when he got caught under their swing set.  V cried for a significant period of time and insisted on a proper burial... which yes, consisted of a target bag)

Here's the scorpion I found tonight.  YUCK.

And of course... we can't forget.... 

my epic battle with the (at the time) young rattle snake.  Pretty sure it turned out to be a young gofer snake, but boy was he mad- hissing, striking, coiled up, and shaking his tail like crazy... I had to assume it was a young rattler.  Soooo, yes, he met my shovel.  And the shovel won.

 How much more country will I get?? 

Stay tuned...

Where Am I ... God, marriage, kids (PART III)

Where am I at with the Lord right now.... I am, thankful.  Busy serving Him.  Hearing conviction every week and doing my best to obey His calling and follow hard after Him.  Serving in BSF as a group leader this year is quickly proving to be one of the strongest tools He's using in my life to stretch my faith.  It's almost as if I can literally FEEL the stretching.... pulling, challenging, encouraging, bringing me to my knees constantly in prayer.  Prayer for my 16 ladies in my group, prayer for the other leaders and staff, prayer for myself and my family as they too are sacrificing in this ministry.  It brings a smile to my face when I think about where He'll have me next May when this year ends... but also He's taught me I have to take ONE day at a time, depending on Him every step of the way, increasing my reliance on the Holy Spirit for guidance and wisdom that only He can give.

I love listening to this song on my drives into town in the mornings, definitely one of my favs....and since it pretty much sums up where I am at right now, I thought I'd share.  Enjoy.  :)

Where am I... God, marriage, kids (PART II)

Where am I ...?   Part II   Marriage

I'm... thankful.  Infact, just today, out of the blue, I get this:

I have no idea what I did.  :)

But really, I didn't do anything.  I can't take credit for one ounce of marital bliss.  I am so thankful that God has been at work in our marriage.  I'm thankful to have a husband who isn't afraid of getting his hands dirty when it comes to the hard stuff.  I'm thankful for the very real examples of God's protection over our marriage even just in the last couple of weeks.  Let me back up, yes I did say marital bliss.  Now that comes with the package as newlyweds.  I have a horrible memory but I do remember some of our first year of marriage.  I remember the honeymoon- the smell of hawaiian tropic and plumeria, the amazing food, beautiful beaches and feeling like we could take on the WORLD.  But what's almost surreal to me is how different those two people were from who we are today.  SO different.  In my unpacking I recently found a memorabilia box, various things from 12 years ago... and let me just say... HILARITY.

It was like a trainwreck- I couldn't NOT look.  I kept reading (and laughing) at our dreamy plans and endearing pet names for each other.  Not that we don't call each other "babe" and "love" now, but this was over the TOP.  Yet again, two different people.  My driving force is not what it was before.  My heart is not what it was before.  God has taken jealousy and replaced it with confidence.  He took bitterness and replaced it with forgiveness.  He took hurt and replaced it with healing.  He took selfishness and replaced it with love.  I am not who I was before, and it's for that exact reason that I love my husband more than I ever did when we were first married.  Did you catch that?  I didn't say it's because he isn't who he was before.  Sure he has changed a lot over the years, mostly in the last couple.  But that's not what deepened my love for him.  God did.  Then, as a result of God's work, I see what He is doing in my husband's heart- the way he serves me, the way he cares for me, the way he talks to our girls, how he disciplines them... and that propels the falling in love even more so.  It's a vicious cycle, this love thing.  ;)

So I'd say, when it comes to my marriage, I am thankful.  So content.  So loved.  And so IN love.  Can't wait for the next 12 years... and the next 12, and the next 12, and the next 12....

Where am I... God, marriage, kids (PART I)

So I kind of promised myself I would blog once a month.  Well, it's been a month and lots has been going on but honestly, I'm not sure what to journal about.  I love having this blog.  It really does not matter to me who or how many read it.  Because it's a way for me to write down what's going on in my life.  And what our journey as a family looks like over the years.  I haven't exactly been consistent with it, but it is pretty amazing (for me at least) to look back over the years and read about it all.  So, I'm going to keep my commitment of at least once a month.  It's worth it.

One of the things our life group does when just the ladies get together is a go around of how we are doing... with God, with our marriage, and with our kids.  I love this because it basically encompasses the main aspects in my life and helps me reflect on a regular basis.  So I thought since I have nothing very particular to blog about that's what I would do... where am I at... with God, my marriage, and my kids.

PART I of this blog... kids: oh boy.  They have me busier than ever, and it is just about to be turned up a few notches.  Hannah is CRAWLING.  Man she steals my heart.  And robs me of much housekeeping time.  Still waking up a ton every single night (2x if I'm lucky, 3-4x regularly), but hoping when I wean her off night feedings (which only God knows when that'll be since I have issues with letting go of nursing) that she'll get longer stretches of sleep.  OH!  And she is looooving table food.  Can't hold that girl back.  Papa's spaghetti in particular was one of her favorites.  Thanks Papa.

Sophie... her feisty-ness and hilarity just seems to get more intense as she gets older.  She cracks me up with her facial expressions and Boston accent.  (Yes, she has an accent, no idea where that came from.)  I love hearing her play with her older sissy down the hall and listen to them both laughing til their bellies hurt.  The older Soph gets, the more fun they seem to have together.

 She takes my breath away sometimes.

^Exploring at Shaver Lake                 ^Sisters being goobers

And Victoria... ok, *deep breath*... she starts kindergarten August 15th.  I am SO excited for her.  God has been at work orchestrating this school year for her.  From the timing of our move, leading us to school registration, to meeting the principal & teachers then having a connection with one in particular- seeing Jesus in her, to opening a piece of mail yesterday informing us she is in THAT teacher's class.  Tears literally came to my eyes reading that.  The Lord is placing her in a classroom with a teacher who made us feel so welcomed and who warmed my heart.  That is who will be teaching, caring for, growing, and investing in my firstborn, 5 days a week for 9 months.  Thank You Jesus.  August 15th will be a tough day for me.  I had some insight into myself the other day as to why so tough, why am I already crying just thinking about that day?  Ok well a chapter of V's life is ending.  And a new one is beginning.  My almost 6 years of having her home with me every day is coming to a rapid close.  And she is about to be opened up to a whole new world, one she will be a part of until she's an adult.  One filled with fun, joy, and learning... and also struggles, difficulties, hurts, and influences other than Mom and Dad.  But, I have a peace with our choice of public schooling.  I understand my role as her mother, and Frankie understands his as her father and leader of our home.  I am embracing the thought of the many teachable moments and opportunities to show V what God's Word says in her different experiences... what Truth looks like in our daily lives... and how it's applied.  Going to be praying for this year, for V's sensitive heart, for Mrs. Blesse (seriously, that's her name- how fabulous is that), and for my heart and mind to be at peace sending her off.

Soooo that's where I'm at with my girls... guess this post will be longer than I thought.  

Part II on marriage coming soon...