Hannah Jo

The story of the birth of our Jo girl...

Our third daughter, Hannah Jo, born October 15, 2011 at 8:56 AM weighing a whopping 8lb 6oz. After many sleepless nights battling leg cramps, breathlessness, sciatica and multiple potty breaks she showed up. I was to be induced on the 16th. But no, she couldn't wait. Frankie was at work, but my mom was in town, sharing in the sleepless bed with me. I woke at about 1:00 am with my first contraction. Typical for me at this point. I usually had 2-3 each night. So I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep... until 18 minutes later another one came. Then 17 minutes later another. And that 3rd one was stronger. Longer. I KNEW after that third one. But also knowing Frankie was at the station and that this was the ONLY day my doctor wasn't on call in a 2-week span made me try and ignore it, quite the genius move. After about the 4th one my mom woke to my increased breathing. After about 2 hours of increasingly painful contractions I called Frankie's station, catching his captain off guard and answering the phone in a very scratchy 3am voice. That was an awkward phone call: "Hi, sorry, this is Frankie's wife... um... can you please wake him and tell him his wife is going into labor?" I think I could actually hear him jump off his bed. So Frankie got here within about 30-40 minutes, at which point my contractions jumped to only 6 minutes apart. I'll never forget slowly getting dressed in the dark and brushing my teeth in between contractions (didn't want morning breath when I met Hannah of course). Upon arriving at the hospital and getting checked in I was dilated at a 5 1/2. And I enjoyed it all. I loved just laying there talking with Frankie about Hannah... what she would look like, how much she'd weigh, what will her personality be like, what will the girls think, etc. And truly having so much fun while in labor. I didn't mind the pain. Well, until it was time for the IV. Barf! Ok I actually didn't, but I did kind of check out for a bit. Man it was painful getting the IV in my hand- it seemed to take FOREVER to tape it up all the while feeling like she's pulling the veins out of my hand. So then comes the nausea, the body sweats, and the, "Frankie go get the vomit tray!" Then I hear the nurse and Frankie talking about how ghost-white I am and that she's going to increase my fluids... then everything went white. Once I opened my eyes the nausea began to subside thank goodness and she stopped messing with my hand... praise the Lord! I was checked and now at a 6 1/2. I asked about the epidural and the nurse said they were still waiting on my lab results from the blood work. They cannot call the anesthesiologist until they have those results... Ok. Got it. Breathe through the next contraction.... Checked at 7. Ok, keep breathing... Checked at 8. Ok, ummm can I get this epidural before I have to start pushing?! After a long, moaning contraction the nurse darts out to go check on the lab results. YES they are in and relief (AKA the anesthesiologist) is on it's way! From then on it seemed to go pretty fast... my mom and wonderful friends Carrie and Megan showed up to help take care of me. :) We enjoyed hanging out and some precious prayer time lifting up Hannah and that whole day before the Lord... a time that I will never forget.
--Thank you Mom, Frankie, and dear friends--
Then, in a matter of 15 total pushes Hannah took her first breath of air.
The dr held her up for all to see... and through my tears I saw the most beautiful, most precious, most perfect.... chubby thighs!!! Whaaaa?? Ya, that's really what I said in my head. She was huge! And already had chubby legs! All I could do was smile. I had a big girl. A big, strong, healthy baby girl. God is SO good. And so tender towards me. And the reason her hugeness did such good for my heart is this: only something I have shared with a handful of people... when I was about 5 months pregnant something entered my mind, a deep fear. And it grew. I'm not sure what it stemmed from. I do know that I had been on a fast track of spiritual growth and desire for the Lord... and as wrong as it is, I questioned why? Why have I been growing so much, becoming that much more committed? Is the Lord strengthening me for a future trial? Is this my preparation for something devastating so that I can withstand it? I know that every mother's nightmare is losing a child. But mine became more than a nightmare. It consumed my thoughts. It made me sick. Many days and nights I have spent in tears... TEARS over Hannah. And she was perfectly healthy and safe in my belly. But a song would come on the radio (ie: "Held" by Natalie Grant) and if I had the privacy it would send me into an almost inconsolable state, begging God to not ask of me to suffer through that... even if it meant bringing Him glory. I pictured this tiny frail Hannah, and allowed my mind to work up a scene of getting up in the night and finding her lifeless. Then I saw this for what it was: sin. It was a sin to fear like this. Not trusting the Almighty and His sovereignty. One particular night I remember laying in bed crying as if I had already lost her... and I simply started praying for His comfort. For His peace that I knew could only come from Him. In a matter of a minute He brought at least 6 verses to mind... (mostly from Isaiah since that's what I had been studying at the time)

"He tends his flock like a shepherd:

He gathers the lambs in His arms

and carries them close to His heart;

He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

"Though the mountains be shaken

and the hills be removed,

yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken

nor my covenant of peace be removed,”

says the LORD, who has compassion on you." Isaiah 54:10

"but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

I can say now as Hannah is 3 months old that the Lord is certainly working through that fear. It is no longer crippling. It remains in the back of my mind, as it probably always will for all three of my children. However, God has brought me to a point of... it is well with my soul. I am by no means safe from this particular nightmare. BUT, I know that should I ever face it, I can face it in confidence, in hope, that my Father will carry me through it. That I will see her again some day. And that through it I can fulfill the ultimate life purpose of which there is nothing greater: glorifying God. I know if I do that, I am in His will. And there is truly NO other place I'd rather be.

Preparing for Hannah

Just over 4 weeks to go and she'll be here. Or perhaps sooner...?

I don't think I have fully grasped the reality yet. A part of me is in awe that God would entrust us with 3 precious lives. And all girls. Three girls. I now see that as a compliment from God. Apparently He has decided we know how (or will know how) to raise girls and to raise them well. Their futures are on my mind and in my prayers daily. I feel as though there is such a great need to constantly seek His wisdom in how to discipline them, how to speak with them, how to show them not just by words but by example what a godly woman, wife and mother looks like. To show them purity and reverence, that gentle and quiet spirit that is of great worth in God's sight. Talk about a heavy (and terrifying) responsibility.

As I think of Hannah's arrival (every day, all throughout the day), I pray... so much. That God blesses her not only with health and strength, but also with a heart for Him. That her big sisters would welcome her with open and loving arms. That she would be protected and safe and blessed with longevity of life. That she would be a good sleeper. A good eater. That God would continuously renew me with the energy and patience that will be so needed in those first weeks, and months to come.

I am excited, impatient, thankful, nervous, overjoyed, humbled and ready. Thank you Father for Your miracle of life, Your reward of children, and the joy they bring!

Through Isaiah

After studying the whole book of Isaiah over a nine month span, I wanted to share what I learned and/ or was reminded of...

... sometimes we must suffer discipline from God's hand before He can restore us.
... those who exalt themselves above the Lord will be humbled.
... God's expectations are reasonable, and clear.
... to refuse God's grace is to receive His just judgement.
... in a crisis you can either be driven by fear or stand in faith.
... belief in His sovereignty cannot answer all my questions, but it can take away my anxiety.
... you can't appreciate the grace of God until you understand His wrath.
... God does not have to explain Himself to me.
... God places people in power, and takes them out.
... God will NOT share His glory with another.
... God's electing love, how He chooses to love us.
... God's people of all ages are to understand that their strength is not in strategizing as others do, but in trusting the Lord and His purpose.
... pride and arrogance leads to judgement while a humble and repentant heart God honors.
... when we prefer security by association w/ people in the world, He sometimes removes our false security so that, undistracted, we will trust Him.
... people who distance themselves from God's truth ultimately experience fracturing.
... no nation or individual is beyond the grace of God.
... worship of God brings genuine peace. Peace is a result of a mind fixed on God.
... God's purposes in discipline of His people are always change, reunion with Him, and restoration.
... the place you look to for help, strength, and assurance is a starting point for examining yourself.
... the fact that people have, for many years, denied God as Creator does not change the reality that He is.
... to fear the Lord is to revere Him with love, and to know security is with Him, never apart from Him.
... God's holy vengeance = God upholding His perfect, holy, and just purposes.
... the time to praise God and tell others of His faithfulness is today.
... Prosperity is a greater threat than adversity. In prosperity we become comfortably complacent.
... when you gaze at the greatness of God, then you will see everything else in life in it's proper perspective.
... God's strength and power are given to those who trust HIM, not themselves.
... when I choose to fear, it tells God that I do not believe He is all powerful and in control.
... whenever I look on the past, I must dwell on the greatness of God, and nothing else!
... to pray that God gets a hold of my children's hearts - no matter what it takes.
... you are free to believe what you want to believe. You are not free to dictate the consequences of what you believe.
... the Messiah fortifies Himself not to focus on the abuse but to anticipate the reward that will be His.
... He will not pull me out of a difficult situation one minute too soon - He will refine me in it.
... the Lord's Word will not return void.
... the grace of God embraces the contrite and lowly in spirit.
... believers are the work of God's hands, for displaying His splendor.
... the Lord esteems those who are humble and contrite, who tremble at His word.

Hmmm

What do you blog about when it's been 3 months of not blogging??

I have seriously cut back on my computer time. With the Spirit's conviction and studying Isaiah I realized my obsession with connectivity was a problem... an idol. I was spending more time being on the computer than being in the Word. So instead of a long (and boring I'm sure) post about what's been going on, I'm just gonna re-cap:

BABY: I will be 18 weeks pregnant this Thursday, the 19th. The morning/ afternoon/ evening sickness and fatigue have been replaced with a massive appetite. Yikes.

FRANKIE: So incredibly proud of him. He is in the air as we speak, flying home from his first mission trip. It was in Belfast, Northern Ireland with the Firefighters For Christ team. You can check out their trip at: http://www.firefightersforchrist.org/ and click on "Mission Possible 2011."




VICTORIA: 4 1/2 years old, more beautiful than ever, and a HUGE heart. Lately she has been praying for her sister. And I quote, "Dear God, please come and live in Sophie's heart. And please please love her. In Jesus' name, Amen."


SOPHIA: Going on 2 1/2. Tantrums have begun. And she is definitely challenging us. Not used to parenting such a stubborn child. But I adore her in every way. She is SO silly, loves to laugh and be goofy. And is talking like crazy.


ME: I am thankful. God is teaching me so much right now. BSF just ended, which I'm not too happy about, but He has taught me SO much this last year. I fell in love with the book of Isaiah after studying it for 9 months. It is so rich and full of God's instruction. I learned about the sin of idolatry and how prevalent it is in our (definitely in mine) lives today. He took my belief in His sovereignty and made it go from a head knowledge to the heart. To LIVE out that belief, bringing such peace in day to day life. He showed me the extent of His faithfulness to such a stubborn people as Israel (and myself). I studied His unfailing love and comfort, His righteous judgement, His gracious perseverance and His just discipline. Stay tuned for my next post on things I learned while studying Isaiah...

Guess What???

LISH!

Lish. Derived from Sophie-licious. She is two. TWO. My "baby" is a toddler. A little girl. She turned two last week, and this week has already gone potty and poopy in the toilet!! Seriously?! What is happening?? Well, I had to look back and see how she came to be the precious 2 year old that she is....

>

It's so bittersweet. Watching your child grow and learn is one of the greatest blessings of parenthood, yet also one of the most painful. I can't tell you how many times I have thought back to Sophie's first year... and, as demanding as breast-feeding was, and as much as I didn't sleep, I so miss that time with her. I miss the quiet middle-of-the-night feedings. The rocking her to sleep in the dark, hearing her breathe, her warm cheek mushed against my chest. I miss watching her little diaper booty scoot across the family room floor. As I'm typing this, she is in her sissy's room with her, the door shut, as they play dress up together. They are such good friends, which makes me thankful for Sophie reaching this age. V is having more and more fun with her little sis all the time. Father, bless these girls, draw them close to you as they grow. Please place people in their lives that will encourage them in You. Please raise up strong godly men for their future husbands. Thank you Lord for the blessing of these two incredible, beautiful, healthy babies you have so graciously placed in our care.

Happy Birthday Sophie-lish. "Lah-Lu."

Prayer Request

If you pray, I ask this of you: to pray for a small group of Christian women in Fresno, California. Firefighters Wives For Christ is something that began last October. God stirred something in me... a heart for fire wives. It took a few weeks for me to give in and follow His lead on something that is completely out of my comfort zone, yet we are here now, three months into it. And I'm asking for your prayer whenever it comes to mind.

Please pray:

for the growth of this group

for encouragement and God's magnificent wisdom in leading it

that fire wives would have the ability and the will to attend regularly

that it would influence more than just the women directly involved

that it would bless fire families in many ways

and that it would ultimately point to Christ, glorifying Him.