Daily Reminders

As many of you know, someone very dear to me passed last December. December 20, 2011 to be exact. Courtney Renee Conner. To me, Aunt Tee Tee. And the reason my middle name is Renee. This has rocked our family. She was a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL person. She loved her family. She loved babies. She loved the Lord. Man, did she LOVE. It hurts. I've never experienced physical pain from an emotional wound until that day my mom called. She was at Courtney's apartment and told me she was gone. In that split moment of muddled thinking as my brain was working so hard to process what I heard, I thought it was some sick joke. So I kept insisting "no, no... NO" Then thought, mom just doesn't know what she is talking about... she just needs to go check again, Courtney is fine. But it WAS a reality. One that would take a lot of time, and a lot of tears, before it set in. Moments of shutting myself in the bathroom or closet to let it out in privacy. Until my 5 yr old would walk in and I'd see her whole demeanor timidly change when she noticed how upset I was. Or my 2 month old would start crying, ready to eat. I had to keep functioning as normal. Yet, grieve through the normalcy?? How do I do that? Two months later, I see how it happens... I have days of tears and I have days of peace. Because I can say with FULL confidence that I WILL see her again. What a glorious reunion that will be. And through God's word I have a glimpse at what she is doing this very moment.... and that makes me happy. Happy for her. She is in her Maker's arms. And happier than any of us can possibly fathom. And what I am left with is daily reminders....


Every single morning I wake up and put this on. I adore it... the color, the incredible softness, the fit... it is a well chosen robe. This was a Christmas gift for Courtney from her mother, my grandmother. Yet she graciously allowed me to have it. Now every morning, I think of Courtney.




And these.... shoes she had bought for my girls. She loved buying them shoes. And she always picked out such great ones. For the first few weeks it actually was hard. I would cry whenever one of my girls brought a pair over to me asking to put them on. But now, I smile. I smile when I see them on, being worn, being played in. Just as they were intended.



This was her blanket. HER blanket, that sat on HER couch, in HER apartment. It was an adorable place. And having this blanket reminds me of her place. Picturing her there cuddled up with this on the couch. It gives me a comforting thought. Like maybe this was something she used when needing comfort. And I get to use the same thing she did. That's awesome.


I am completely honored and grateful for the years I had with my aunt. She made me laugh. She treated me as her own daughter, the daughter she never had. And I'll never forget the love she showed. And how much I love her. Thank You Lord for drawing her to you, for saving her. Thank You for her two sons that we see her in. And thank You for preparing an eternal home for her, caring for her until we see her again.